Despise

Never really believed in a soul,
My heart is empty now.
With all the ups & downs, I tried
And wanted to see the beauty in you.

Heard so much of you, I was excited.
To finally come so close,
The feeling was serene.
I had unlaced mine,
Felt some particles of you;
That made the leap seemed possible.
But with all the noises around,
You didn't even get to wet my toes.
Then again I doubt,
If there would have been a splash.
From the 20' you and me were apart,
You looked annihilated, dirty and too calm for my liking.

I don't know which way to turn anymore,
Whether to love you or despise you?
The good 'ol days have passed,
Memories faded;
I can see your deceit and lies,
But then everyone lies, don't they?
The hurts, the pains, scream of helplessness...
Had sailed,
But the ghost is back.

Keep pushing, Keep pushing
Soon it will be all blurred.